Skylab

I haven’t blogged in awhile, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t had anything to say. I have – I just haven’t know how to articulate it!

Since returning from Colorado a couple of months ago, I believe that God has been working in my heart in some profound ways. These are things I’ve longed for Him to do for years! I don’t really know why it has taken so long. I used to believe that He was “holding out on me” for some reason – in line with the feeling that He was a Father who tolerated me but wasn’t very excited about having me as a son. I don’t think that any more – at least not as a general rule.

I used to think that I might get to experience joy and freedom “one day” when God did something in my life – fulfilled a dream, provided something I thought I lacked, gave me something to feel joyful about, made me into the man I longed to be. I used to pray for God to move powerfully in my life and work miraculously to bring lasting change. I used to hope (more “wishfully long for but not really expect”) for some dramatic thing to happen to me to fix all of my problems and issues. Then I would really be alive and experience the fullness of the life God wanted for me and that I always wanted. I don’t have these thoughts much any more.

I used to think I was one of those hopeless cases. Saved, yes, but not really experiencing the fullness of life God intended and probably not ever going to. Basically struggling the rest of my days on Earth and eventually going to heaven one day where then everything would be okay – but not ever receiving much of anything this side of heaven. I don’t think this way much anymore either.

And I believe that is the point: I think differently now. I think differently because I believe differently.

Why the change? What has happened in the last few months to bring about this change in belief?

I don’t really know. Maybe it is just a culmination of years of work in my heart. Certainly God has been at work – I know that. Maybe it is a stronger faith and belief in Him for who He really is. Maybe it is just His timing, which is better than mine. Maybe it is just a maturing process in life. I do know that it is a gift. I can’t tell you what the process or “formula” has been because I don’t know it. All I know is that I am different.

I was talking yesterday with my brother over lunch, and we were discussing the process of “sanctification” I guess. Basically that God is in the process of conforming all of His children into the image of Christ. I had this imagery: imagine that Christ is the center of a sphere and that we (all of His children) are somewhere in “orbit” around Christ. The gravitational pull is “conforming us” to Christ, pulling us towards the center. We are all coming from different directions and are on different paths, but our destination is the same – being made into the image of Christ and becoming one with him.

Now, we can resist this gravitational pull. We can choose to remain in orbit, ever circling the center but not ever “landing” or being made one with the center, Christ. It made me think of all of the objects orbiting our Earth. Sometimes things actually reach the ground after being in orbit for years. I remember Skylab falling back in 1979! Everyone was afraid it would hit them! My family was in Germany at the time on vacation. We didn’t hear about Skylab landing in Australia until we got back in the U.S.

One interesting thing to note is that satellites and orbiting objects have their own identity while they are still in orbit. Once an object has reached Earth, it no longer has a use of its own or an identity as a satellite and no one talks about it anymore. It becomes “one with the earth”.

I believe that I’ve experienced more of that “oneness” recently. I certainly haven’t “arrived”. Just like Paul says, “not that I’ve already obtained it. But one thing I do, forgetting what is behind and looking for what is ahead, I press on toward the goal for which Christ Jesus has called me” (my paraphrase).

But I am experiencing more joy in life, more freedom, more peace, more “comfort in my own skin” and not caring so much what others think of me, more belief that God is good, more hope for the future regardless of how things turn out.  And all of these things are in spite of many circumstances: sour economy and fears for the future financially, still having to face dietary restrictions, still lonely at times, still lacking the fulfillment of the dream of a wife and kids, etc. But I’m choosing to trust, choosing to be joyful, choosing to embrace life no matter what. No matter if my dreams are ever fulfilled or not, no matter if I ever get total freedom from some things or not, no matter……

Paul says that “godliness with contentment is great gain”. I feel very content right now. And I am thankful for that!