Skylab

I haven’t blogged in awhile, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t had anything to say. I have – I just haven’t know how to articulate it!

Since returning from Colorado a couple of months ago, I believe that God has been working in my heart in some profound ways. These are things I’ve longed for Him to do for years! I don’t really know why it has taken so long. I used to believe that He was “holding out on me” for some reason – in line with the feeling that He was a Father who tolerated me but wasn’t very excited about having me as a son. I don’t think that any more – at least not as a general rule.

I used to think that I might get to experience joy and freedom “one day” when God did something in my life – fulfilled a dream, provided something I thought I lacked, gave me something to feel joyful about, made me into the man I longed to be. I used to pray for God to move powerfully in my life and work miraculously to bring lasting change. I used to hope (more “wishfully long for but not really expect”) for some dramatic thing to happen to me to fix all of my problems and issues. Then I would really be alive and experience the fullness of the life God wanted for me and that I always wanted. I don’t have these thoughts much any more.

I used to think I was one of those hopeless cases. Saved, yes, but not really experiencing the fullness of life God intended and probably not ever going to. Basically struggling the rest of my days on Earth and eventually going to heaven one day where then everything would be okay – but not ever receiving much of anything this side of heaven. I don’t think this way much anymore either.

And I believe that is the point: I think differently now. I think differently because I believe differently.

Why the change? What has happened in the last few months to bring about this change in belief?

I don’t really know. Maybe it is just a culmination of years of work in my heart. Certainly God has been at work – I know that. Maybe it is a stronger faith and belief in Him for who He really is. Maybe it is just His timing, which is better than mine. Maybe it is just a maturing process in life. I do know that it is a gift. I can’t tell you what the process or “formula” has been because I don’t know it. All I know is that I am different.

I was talking yesterday with my brother over lunch, and we were discussing the process of “sanctification” I guess. Basically that God is in the process of conforming all of His children into the image of Christ. I had this imagery: imagine that Christ is the center of a sphere and that we (all of His children) are somewhere in “orbit” around Christ. The gravitational pull is “conforming us” to Christ, pulling us towards the center. We are all coming from different directions and are on different paths, but our destination is the same – being made into the image of Christ and becoming one with him.

Now, we can resist this gravitational pull. We can choose to remain in orbit, ever circling the center but not ever “landing” or being made one with the center, Christ. It made me think of all of the objects orbiting our Earth. Sometimes things actually reach the ground after being in orbit for years. I remember Skylab falling back in 1979! Everyone was afraid it would hit them! My family was in Germany at the time on vacation. We didn’t hear about Skylab landing in Australia until we got back in the U.S.

One interesting thing to note is that satellites and orbiting objects have their own identity while they are still in orbit. Once an object has reached Earth, it no longer has a use of its own or an identity as a satellite and no one talks about it anymore. It becomes “one with the earth”.

I believe that I’ve experienced more of that “oneness” recently. I certainly haven’t “arrived”. Just like Paul says, “not that I’ve already obtained it. But one thing I do, forgetting what is behind and looking for what is ahead, I press on toward the goal for which Christ Jesus has called me” (my paraphrase).

But I am experiencing more joy in life, more freedom, more peace, more “comfort in my own skin” and not caring so much what others think of me, more belief that God is good, more hope for the future regardless of how things turn out.  And all of these things are in spite of many circumstances: sour economy and fears for the future financially, still having to face dietary restrictions, still lonely at times, still lacking the fulfillment of the dream of a wife and kids, etc. But I’m choosing to trust, choosing to be joyful, choosing to embrace life no matter what. No matter if my dreams are ever fulfilled or not, no matter if I ever get total freedom from some things or not, no matter……

Paul says that “godliness with contentment is great gain”. I feel very content right now. And I am thankful for that!

Healing

Many of you know that I was diagnosed with diabetes last winter and struggled with the reality of dealing daily with an illness. I never felt bad, but altering my eating and exercise habits – along with the thought that it may get worse and more difficult to deal with over time – was depressing. Very soon after hearing this news, I made some changes and quickly achieved normal, regulated blood sugar readings. Those changes became habits, and it has really not been at the forefront of my conciousness as it was months ago.

This past Wednesday I went to a new doctor to get the results of extensive tests that had been done to determine what really is going on internally. He (and everyone else) seemed puzzled as to why I had this disease since I do not fit the mold of the typical diabetic (overweight and sedentary). Well, to my amazement and his, everything was extremely good and normal! I am not versed in medical knowledge, – and there were a TON of tests done – but basically only a few items were slightly off. The doctor actually told me that he would not classify me as a diabetic any more! Praise God for that news!

Of course, I will not go out and eat a bowl of sugar (not that I ever did), but it is so great to get news like this – news that I was not expecting! The doctor said that I have a genetic tendency to be carbohydrate-intolerant, but that my lifestyle changes were so filtering this tendency that it was not expressing itself as diabetes any more!

Now for the lesson part of this story…..

I had talked to a friend Tuesday night before my doctor’s appointment the next morning, and the thought specifically crossed my mind to ask him to pray for healing. I conciously chose not to ask for prayer. God reminded me of this after I got the good news. I do not believe He was condemning me for it, but that He wanted me to see some things in this interaction – or lack of it.

Why did I not ask a friend to pray for my healing?

I think there are several reasons, none of which are good or right. They are reasonable to a point. All of these are descriptive of where my heart is or has been, and I believe the Lord wanted me to see this and repent! Again, I did not feel condemned at the Spirit’s revelation, but I was encouraged to look into it. Hence, I am writing this now and hopeful others can benefit from it as well.

Reasons I have seen:

• It’s really not that big of a problem now – you’ve learned how to deal with it and control it on your own. It sounds petty to ask for healing of such a “minor” issue.
• People are tired of hearing about your problems. It’s really not that big of a deal – at least it’s not cancer!
• What if you ask for healing and don’t get it? What does that say about God? I mean, healing sure is good, so if you ask for it and don’t get it, does that mean God isn’t good?
• Why would God give this gift to you?  You really don’t deserve it.

Graciously, God gave me this gift when I did not specifically pray for it or ask others to do so. But what was missed by not asking for prayer? Well, for one, at least one friend missed an opportunity to be involved in praying for me. How many answers to prayer are never heard of by others because they never knew of the issue? We deprive others of the joy of entering into our lives and using their gifts/faith in our struggles when we refuse to ask for prayer.

I myself almost missed the power of God in this! I really had not felt bad or been too limited by the disease, so hearing the news wasn’t life-altering like someone being healed of blindness. How many answers to prayer do I miss because they are not “dramatic” like that?

Do I shrink back from asking for prayer or praying for others because I fear that God will not answer the way I want? He commands us to “pray for one another” and tells us that the “prayers of a righteous man are powerful and effective”. Why do I hesitate and doubt? It really shows me how little my faith is and how much I question the goodness of God.

Probably most alarming to me is why I would doubt that God would do something so wonderful for me. For some reason or reasons, I’ve often thought of myself as a “red-headed stepchild” in God’s family. Yes, I was His son, but He wasn’t too thrilled about that fact. Sort of like a slave instead of a son.

I just finished reading a great book by Henri Nouwen titled The Return of the Prodigal Son. I found myself identifying very much with the older son who stayed home and dutifully did his work around the house. He was ticked off when his father rejoiced at his younger brother’s return after “living high on the hog” and complained that his father never gave him a feast like that. The father replies that the son is always with him and “all I have is yours”. I was so struck by this truth! How many blessings have I missed because I really haven’t believed that my Father would be so good to me? And yet He has been and is!

Why do I not pray boldly or ask for prayer boldly? How many things have I missed in life because of this? It is not humble or pious to be hesitant to ask for prayer!

So, what about you? What are you withholding asking others to pray for? Why?

The answer to that last question should keep us all busy for awhile!

Living Small/Living Large

I returned a few days ago from a two week journey out west – far away from home and through mostly unfamiliar areas to me. When I use the word “journey” I mean a long, meandering trip with unknown paths that at times is exciting and fun and at times strange and painful. Below are phrases I used to describe this trip in my journal.

It had: ups and downs, joys, excitement, good times, fears, angers, unexpected changes for good and bad, new experiences, new people to meet, old acquaintances to renew, restful times, stressful times, “wows”, anticipations, and “ready for it to be over”!

I spent some time with people I know. My cousin Richard and his family live in Fort Collins, and I used his house as a center of a 3,000+ mile figure eight out west. I spent a couple of days with friends from home who had planned to be in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, for a few days. I spent one night with a family friend – almost a cousin – in Billings, Montana. And I spent one night at the home of a “friend of a friend” in Colorado Springs. The rest of the trip was spent on my own – travelling around and staying in a different place every night. It was fun to see so much beauty of creation, but it was also tiring at times.

I had a rough plan of what I wanted to see and the routes I should take for the whole two weeks I was gone. Some of that worked, but much of it changed day to day. I intentionally left some flexibility in the planning and scheduling to allow for changes and to hear what my heart said at the time and what God would say at the time. I knew going into the trip that this was an area of growth for me, and it actually felt good to live beyond the rigidity of having everything planned out. And that is what happened! Many unexpected changes came up along the way, altering my course and presenting either difficulty or an exciting adventure that I never would have known had I planned everything out!

When I hear the phrase “living large”, I picture a person living in the fullness of the present activity – really engaging in life – almost to excess. “Carpe diem” – sieze the day! How I wish I could say that was true of my life! Unfortunately, I believe that I have shied away from the “excess”, or fear of the “excess”, of this way of living and stayed in the safety of “living small”. “Living small” is dwelling in the known, the safe, the usual, the predictable, the controllable, the planned – the boring.

I hate to say it, but I believe this is how I have lived most of my life – living small. There is so much in life that I have not experienced either out of fear of the unknown or doubts about myself or God’s provision for me in some way. Most of the trips I have ever taken were in response to someone else’s plans, and I just “went along for the ride.” I have struggled to spend money on myself in such a “frivolous” way. I have not allowed myself to pursue dreams that I have had for fear of failure or worry about what others would think. I have not done so much, not lived – but merely existed.

Don’t get the wrong impression, though. I certainly have enjoyed many things in life and experienced some wonderful successes and joys. But overall there has been a sense of “living small”. This trip revealed that to me, and each day I was confronted with this reality and given the opportunity to experience “living large”. Whether it was revelling in a glorious new sight to see, enjoying the freedom of an extended vacation, experiencing some new food or drink, or meeting new people, I believe I entered into “living large” on this trip!

And yes, I am aware that a person can take this too far! I am aware that it is possible to take advantage of freedom and indulge in excess in many things. I am also very aware that in my heart that has not been my danger – I have lived the opposite. It is not a better way to live either.

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.” To live in the real freedom that Jesus has always intended for me is a true journey of faith. Living in the “smallness” of life is less than that, and it is a slap in the face to what God has planned.

Live large today – in the fullness of everything that God has for you!

Only 24 hours

Don’t know how I got multiple pics here – need to get on the road to Wyoming.

Reagan enjoying his favorite food

From the trail at Horsetooth Mountain

The Chester’s new home!

Best place to work on earth!

Enjoying New Belgium.

Rocky Mountain High!

Short note:

How sweet it is to be driving through the Rocky Mountains in my Rav4! Got to Ft. Collins before 2 p.m. and went to Horsetooth Mountain to hike a little this afternoon. It actually looks like horse teeth upside down!

In two hours of hiking, I saw one rabbit and two people. Going to dinner tonight with Richard and Jenny Jo. Reagan loved his bag of marshmallows! I’ll try to send a picture later.

Into Wyoming tomorrow. The weather is gorgeous here – nice to leave Greensboro!

Cliff “Hanger”

I was talking the other day to my wonderful Christian brother and counselor, Steve Lynam, and he reminded me again of this truth:

The real truth of the gospel – the real freedom we have in Christ – is so close to heresy that most people never really live in the fullness of it for fear of going too far.

Isn’t that true?

I realize how fearfully I have lived most of my life – shrinking back from the joy and freedom I could have experienced for fear of what others thought or fear of taking advantage of God’s goodness. To be honest, for me it has been much more the former rather than the latter. I have friends that probably struggle more with “going too far” – living too freely or in too much pride. It is possible to think too highly of yourself or too lowly of yourself. Neither way is the way of the Father.

As I left Steve’s office and was driving down the road, I was thinking of a “picture” that illustrates this truth quite well. Of course, all analogies are not perfect, but try this out anyway:

Imagine a cliff overlooking an incredible panoramic landscape below – maybe a beautiful valley with a river, lush vegetation, big sky above you, etc. Approaching the cliff are woods with paths leading up to the overlook. Just over the cliff are jagged and treacherous rocks all the way down to the valley floor. One false step and severe injury or death is certain.

Now, imagine that “hanging out” on the cliff is the fullest freedom any of us can have in any particular area of our life in Christ. Real freedom from sin (even though we may still mess up at times), from beating ourselves up (even though we may be down on ourselves occasionally), etc.  On the cliff, the view is incredible! Life is thrilling – you can feel the wind, experience the warmth of the sunshine, see for miles around. It is like heaven on earth!

It can be dangerous too. You must have a firm footing to avoid being blown off by a powerful gust. You must watch your step as you walk around, careful for loose stones or getting too close to the edge. You must watch out for storms, thunder and lightning. It is better to have a companion with you who can watch out for you and you for him.

The dangers of the cliff can make you at times want to retreat to the safety of the approaching trails. The tree cover can give safety from the storms or the heat of the day. Or, you may even choose to dwell in the safety of the trails altogether, never venturing up to the overlook. You maybe have heard of the dangers of the cliff and how staying where you are is better – at least safer. You may be able to see the cliff from where you are and even get a glimpse of the views in the distance. You may even know people who have gone to the cliff and heard stories of the joy, freedom and beauty of that place. It may inspire you to one day go there too, if you’re willing to risk it.

Others have gone to the cliff and not been careful. Some got too close to the edge and fell over, severely injuring themselves and others – either by holding on to their hands and pulling them over too or by not thinking of others and being too careless. Some were alone and had no one to rescue them from falling. Those that went over the edge experienced a sudden “crash” as they pounded on the rocks below. Some don’t make it back – ever. Some survive, but there may be a long journey back to the top of the cliff – to healing and wholeness. For awhile, they no longer have that distant, panoramic view. They are limited to see only what immediately surrounds them. The air is calmer but stagnant in the valley. Fresh air is harder to come by.

So, where do you dwell mostly? Where do you want to dwell? Paul has a lot to say about this in Romans and i Corinthians:

• “Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means!” That would be a boundary at the cliff’s edge, protecting us from going over.
• “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.” That would be a sign encouraging us to go on up to see the view at the top!
• twice in I Corinthians, Paul states that “Everything is permissable to me, but not everything is beneficial.” We’re free, really free to do everything – but not everything would be for our good, the good of others or honoring to God. That would be a guideline for how to experience the fullness of the cliff and not get hurt or hurt others.

I’m sure there is a lot more to this. I’d love to hear comments.

I want to be a cliff “hanger”! That’s where I want to dwell.

Remember Who You Are

My grandmother – Mother Ruth – used to tell my brothers and me to “Remember who you are” when we would be going out with friends or when she and my grandfather – Big Daddy – were leaving after a visit. My grandparents were very respectable people, and I think that the sentiment was more “You’re from a good family, so try to keep it that way” or “You’re a good young man, so don’t spoil it”. While these statements are certainly good advice, to me they had taken on a very prideful air that I do not like or want to live by.

Some of the definitions of “remember in Webster’s Dictionary are:

• to bring to mind or think of again
• to keep in mind for attention or consideration
• to retain in the memory

Basically, remembering is an act of the will – choosing to recall things in the mind, meditate on them, mull them over. The point of remembering is to recall information from the past that will affect my actions in the present.

As a believer in Christ and follower of him, I am very aware of my sinfulness and need of a Savior. Anything good in me comes from the Spirit of God living in me and expressing through me – not from my own “goodness”. God has done wonders in my life, and in Him there are incredible truths about my identity now!

THOSE are the things I need to remember about myself – all of truths He has spoken to me in His Word and all of the truths He is speaking to me daily as I commune with Him. Learning to hear His voice – walk in His Spirit – is what I am about right now in life.

I’ve been a Christian – better yet, a follower of Christ since “Christian” can mean so many things in this world today and is not descriptive enough – since I was 7. Unfortunately, it was twenty+ years later I believe that I began to mature. God has moved in many ways – ways I’m sure I’ll write about in the coming entries and months and years to come.

Someone once said that men and women are the only creatures created to receive their identity from another. God’s intent is that we receive our identities from Him alone! Most often, I know that I have turned to others to tell me who I am – giving them the power and authority they do not deserve or own and forfeiting the freedom and security God wanted for me. I have been a slave to what others thought of me, how I believed that I measured up against them, etc. That is all “dead” now! I need to put the shovel down and stop trying to resurrect the rotting flesh.

A brief intro into why “Remember who you are”. It is a good phrase now! It is not from a place of pride or fear of losing an identity, but from a place of security. My identity is in Christ – He is the one telling me who I really am!