Living Small/Living Large

I returned a few days ago from a two week journey out west – far away from home and through mostly unfamiliar areas to me. When I use the word “journey” I mean a long, meandering trip with unknown paths that at times is exciting and fun and at times strange and painful. Below are phrases I used to describe this trip in my journal.

It had: ups and downs, joys, excitement, good times, fears, angers, unexpected changes for good and bad, new experiences, new people to meet, old acquaintances to renew, restful times, stressful times, “wows”, anticipations, and “ready for it to be over”!

I spent some time with people I know. My cousin Richard and his family live in Fort Collins, and I used his house as a center of a 3,000+ mile figure eight out west. I spent a couple of days with friends from home who had planned to be in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, for a few days. I spent one night with a family friend – almost a cousin – in Billings, Montana. And I spent one night at the home of a “friend of a friend” in Colorado Springs. The rest of the trip was spent on my own – travelling around and staying in a different place every night. It was fun to see so much beauty of creation, but it was also tiring at times.

I had a rough plan of what I wanted to see and the routes I should take for the whole two weeks I was gone. Some of that worked, but much of it changed day to day. I intentionally left some flexibility in the planning and scheduling to allow for changes and to hear what my heart said at the time and what God would say at the time. I knew going into the trip that this was an area of growth for me, and it actually felt good to live beyond the rigidity of having everything planned out. And that is what happened! Many unexpected changes came up along the way, altering my course and presenting either difficulty or an exciting adventure that I never would have known had I planned everything out!

When I hear the phrase “living large”, I picture a person living in the fullness of the present activity – really engaging in life – almost to excess. “Carpe diem” – sieze the day! How I wish I could say that was true of my life! Unfortunately, I believe that I have shied away from the “excess”, or fear of the “excess”, of this way of living and stayed in the safety of “living small”. “Living small” is dwelling in the known, the safe, the usual, the predictable, the controllable, the planned - the boring.

I hate to say it, but I believe this is how I have lived most of my life – living small. There is so much in life that I have not experienced either out of fear of the unknown or doubts about myself or God’s provision for me in some way. Most of the trips I have ever taken were in response to someone else’s plans, and I just “went along for the ride.” I have struggled to spend money on myself in such a “frivolous” way. I have not allowed myself to pursue dreams that I have had for fear of failure or worry about what others would think. I have not done so much, not lived – but merely existed.

Don’t get the wrong impression, though. I certainly have enjoyed many things in life and experienced some wonderful successes and joys. But overall there has been a sense of “living small”. This trip revealed that to me, and each day I was confronted with this reality and given the opportunity to experience “living large”. Whether it was revelling in a glorious new sight to see, enjoying the freedom of an extended vacation, experiencing some new food or drink, or meeting new people, I believe I entered into “living large” on this trip!

And yes, I am aware that a person can take this too far! I am aware that it is possible to take advantage of freedom and indulge in excess in many things. I am also very aware that in my heart that has not been my danger – I have lived the opposite. It is not a better way to live either.

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.” To live in the real freedom that Jesus has always intended for me is a true journey of faith. Living in the “smallness” of life is less than that, and it is a slap in the face to what God has planned.

Live large today – in the fullness of everything that God has for you!